Soaring Imagination

I'm very grateful for a teacher that I met in university, let's call her Miss Lin. Before I went to Taiwan for my undergraduate studies, I had the lowest self-esteem. I saw no value to my own existence until I met Miss Lin. She saw potential in me and trusted me to accomplish some tasks. Although I got over whelmed and lost in the end, I still appreciate what she did for me. But now, I have to build my own self-esteem. I have to have confidence and think more highly of myself.

Both of my parents are 58 years old this year. 58! Can you believe it? My parents have already lived half their lives. Who knows how soon will it be before I have to attend their funeral? I started becoming scared of losing both of my loving parents. How long would it be my turn? I'm just 22 and I'm beginning to worry about death. Maybe it's because I lost my dear Grandmama just recently and have acknowledged that we humans will die eventually. The unknown that comes after death scares me. Death lets us appreciate life better. I'm beginning to think of how to live out my life to the fullest and spend as much time as possible with my family, especially my parents, because who knows how long I have with them?

There are many things that I wanted to do but didn't due to my overthinking and over-worrying attitude. Every time I want to do something, I talk myself out of it, thinking that I couldn't make a living out of it and there's no profit or meaning to it so there's no reason to do it at all. Because of this, I find it hard to do anything. And now, I really don't know what I should do with my life. Time to say JUST DO IT to my over-worrying self and say what the heck to all the consequences I could think of and just enjoy the ride.

I never understood the importance of human connection until now. How I fail to appreciate the importance of it might be due to the very first relationship that I have created when I was born, which is with my parents. It's not like we have a bad relationship, it's just there wasn't much of a relationship or connection with my parents for the first 18 years of my life. That might explain the fact that I have trouble forming lasting relationships with people. I just didn't have enough practice. I'm still learning to form healthy and long lasting relationships with my family, friends, teachers and boyfriend.  Communication is key to any healthy relationship. To be continued.

Love can make a considerate person and a selfish person

A dark pit, I can't breathe. I hate the world. I hate myself. Help me please. Please, take me away. I don't want to stay here anymore. I can't escape from my own mind. I feel trapped. Even though I'm free, I'm not. Kill me.